If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
