I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize