True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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