He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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