He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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