Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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