We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
