Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
