Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
