There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
