I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
