My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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