I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
