There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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