dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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