i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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