I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
