I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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