my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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