Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
