weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
