so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
