i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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