She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
