I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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