I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
