what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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