Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
