Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
