just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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