i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
