bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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