I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
