WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
