I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
