Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
