Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
