my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
one might say we're banned from that church
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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