Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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