He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
