He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
