oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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