walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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