yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
