saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
