my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ladies don't puke and tell
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
