I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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