Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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