Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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