Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize