I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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