i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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