Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
