Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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