My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
