My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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