I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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