I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
