I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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