he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
