If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
