I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
