I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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