You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
