based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Girls should come with a carfax report
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
