We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize