He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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