I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
