party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
