I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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