apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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