Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
COCAINE IS GR8
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize